They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
