do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
