Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
