ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
