i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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