I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
