look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
