At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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