You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
The air taste purple.
Randomize
