so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
