Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
