a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
