Whoa Z and x make the same sound
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
