i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
