your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
