I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
