I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
