So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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