I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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