Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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