i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
