You're my little dorito
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize