I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize