My brain says no but my pants say off.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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