evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
