Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
