I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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