I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
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I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
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How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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