i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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