you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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