She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
