He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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