forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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