I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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