He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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