ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
