I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
