its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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