This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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