I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
there is puke in my bra ... again
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