I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Life is so much better after having sex.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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