And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
