he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
