Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
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We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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