i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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