i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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