Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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