once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
splinters make it hard to masturbate
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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