it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
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