I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
