There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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