i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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