Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
