it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
