that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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