I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
