omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
